I say that because I'm probably homesick. This is something I never foresaw coming. I couldn't wait to leave home and discover the world and yet here I am wanting to discover home.
It's been especially hard as of lately because everyone is talking about. They graduate, go on a trip, and then are returning home. Some, even, are planning on staying for more than the summer. Not myself. I have chosen to stay in Abbotsford and find work here for the summer. This is most likely because I have decided that the only way for me to fully move out, is to do just that, and not return home.
And yet here I am, desiring home.
I find that when I'm stressed out about stuff like school and finding a job or worrying about money or even fretting about relationships, I just simply want to go home. This plan however, is flawed for two reasons. First of all, going home is not going to solve my problems. It's funny to think that when I was younger, I would want to run away from home to escape my problems. Now I'm older and I want to run home to solve my problems. Unfortunately, my problems will follow me everywhere no matter where I run. The second downfall is that fact that I'm not sure if i have a home anymore. I'm still not sure how exactly to define home, but I'm sure it is much more than the place you grew up, or the house your parents occupy. I don't really consider Port Elgin home anymore, mostly because I haven't been there in months and I would feel very unfamiliar there, or at least that's how it felt at Christmas. Even my room at Mom and Dad's doesn't seem familiar. I know this may offend some, but please do not take this personally, I believe it's just a part of growing up and becoming a grown up me. Abbotsford is even less of a home. I hardly know anyone outside of my program here at school, I'm constantly moving from place to place, and I don't feel very grounded here at all.
It would be nice to have a definition of home so that maybe one day I could begin striving for one.
Someday.
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1 comment:
you know very well that i'm probably the most obnoxiously nostalgic human being on the planet. but, i've really been trying to run with the idea that home is where your feet are.
is home a place where you can come back to and all of your shit is there waiting for you? is it a place where you feel loved universally? if it is the latter, than couldn't that be anywhere in the world? does that make any sense?
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